Barbara J. Hamby

Feeling Guilty

Every time I drive past some poor soul begging on the street, highway, or parking lot, I feel guilty. There is no way to know which ones, if any, are really needy or if they’re just begging for drug or booze money. One person who sits in our Safeway parking lot has a sign that reads, “I need $_____ (a specific amount of money—around $250, as I recall). That seems suspicious to me.

Since I’m not certain I won’t outlive the small amount of savings I have when my income is exceeded by my expenses, I don’t donate to any of these people.

I have friends who buy energy or granola bars and hand them to beggars. If the “needy” person doesn’t accept them, it’s a pretty good bet they’re not actually hungry.

Years ago when I worked in downtown Portland, especially when I worked late at the Benson Hotel, I handed out a few dollars I could ill afford. Walking down Broadway to Burnside where my car was parked, after dark, made me nervous. When I left downtown Portland, I stopped doing that, however.

The other thing I feel guilty about is how lazy I am these days. My energy level definitely ain’t what it used to be. My housekeeping standards are dropping daily. I don’t bother with vacuuming or dusting much, unless I’m going to have company. I have to do laundry and feed myself. Restaurants are expensive financially and calorie-wise.

After nearly twelve years of retirement, one would think I’d have shed the work ethic my parents drilled into me.

Recently I noticed a Schwan’s truck making regular deliveries next door. The lady who lives there is handicapped and doesn’t have a car. I’d never seen anyone taking groceries in there. I wasn’t aware that Schwan’s delivers pre-prepared meals as well as ice cream until I saw an ad somewhere. I looked them up on the web and I may try some of their food occasionally to give myself a break. I’ll have to find out whether they provide nutritional information. Upscale meals on wheels might be interesting.

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